Editorials

Don’t Get a Pet, Get a Tamagotchi

Seriously, you probably aren't responsible enough for the real thing.
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I am astounded by the amount of people who can barely take care of themselves, and yet they think it’s a good idea to decide to take on the role of parent and find a dog to become their best friend. News flash, you’ve never even had a Tamagotchi before, and it shows. Maybe some people out there think raising and taking care of another living creature is easy work, but I am here to tell you, it isn’t.

Taking care of any pet is a serious responsibility, but so is raising a Tamagotchi. If you can’t raise a Tamagotchi, you definitely should not be allowed to care for a pet. That should be the litmus test. Seriously, taking care of those things is tough. You have to check on them throughout the day and feed them, clean up after them, and play games with them to keep them fit. There’s nothing worse than waking up, checking your Tamagotchi, and seeing a few turds all over the screen. At least it doesn’t smell though. In real life, you’d have to pick up each piece of poop by hand, but the Tamagotchi screen gets cleaned by the touch of a button. No mess guaranteed.

I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I could barely even feed myself in college, and I know for a fact there is no way that I could have fed a dog however many times a day is necessary. That’s why I advise all of you to take up the Tamagotchi lifestyle instead. That way if you forget to feed it, at least it will only die in the virtual world. Too many times I have seen some of the most irresponsible people buying dogs, and I think to myself “I sure would hate to have that person as my owner.” If you can’t take care of yourself, do not get a pet. Try a Tamagotchi.

One of the worst things I have seen are people not being able to potty train their pets. If your pet is almost a year old and is not potty trained, they aren’t the problem, you are! It all starts from your end, and if your dog still craps in your friend’s room, the blame lies on you. Potty training takes time, effort, and discipline. That’s why you should take up the old Tamagotchi approach. If you can’t potty train a Tamagotchi, there is a 100% chance you cannot potty train a pet. That I can guarantee.

Now don’t think I’m a hater, because I’m not. If you can take care of a dog, cat, or a bearded dragon, go for it. However, think to yourself for a bit, and ask if you can care for another living thing. Ask yourself if you could even take care of a Tamagotchi. I know that if I had a Tamagotchi in college, it would die in a few days and never make it out of its child stage, never getting the opportunity to become the beautiful adult it was destined to be. So if you’re going to get a pet, make sure you can at least care for a Tamagotchi. And if you plan on having kids, well good luck.

Author

Grant Pfost, your gamer bro, enjoys long binges on the couch when he's not binge drinking like he's still in college. A connoisseur of tv and film, Grant hopes his articles will make you laugh, cry, and appreciate the little things in life.

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