Editorials

What do You Think Kirby Tastes Like?

I mean come on, he looks delicious...
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Alright, so this may sound a little messed up, but I have always thought Kirby looks so tasty. Just look at him, he’s so cute. He looks good enough to eat. Kirby likes to suck up and swallow enemies, so why not return the favor?

Kirby’s squishy texture is intriguing. I imagine Kirby would be chewy, like a nice piece of bubblegum. I played baseball for years, so naturally I am a big bubblegum guy. I feel like Kirby would even taste like gum as well. You could probably blow some epic bubbles with Kirby, with how he can expand and how stretchy he is. Perhaps one could even blow a bubble big enough that they could fly away into the sky, much like Kirby himself can do.

Or maybe Kirby is strawberry flavored. Strawberry is near the top of the candy-flavor charts without a doubt. There is no better Starburst than a pink Starburst, and maybe Kirby could taste even better than that. Kirby Kandy could become the new sensation, and become the next great candy. Maybe Kirby has an addictive quality to him, and it could get all of the kids to stop vaping and juuling and they can be Kirby Kandy addicts instead. I am a big believer that candy is healthy for you, it is at the backbone of this nation. Change my mind.

Another possibility is that there could be multiple Kirby flavors, not just one. After all, Kirby can come in different colors. Maybe there’s a blueberry tasting Kirby, and a lemon one and others as well. Or there could be the possibility that all Kirby’s taste the same, like M&M’s. Why not sprinkle some Kirby’s over some vanilla ice cream to make it taste a little more interesting. That could be quite the brain freeze.

Let’s be honest here for a minute. In all seriousness, Kirby probably tastes like crap. That little puff ball swallows so many things, and I’m not sure if I want my body to consist of all that Kirby has eaten. He inhales bombs, enemies, and everything possible. We are what we eat, and Kirby doesn’t have the best diet out there. So maybe I won’t eat a full Kirby, but just a bite or two may curb my Kirby Kraving.

Author

Grant Pfost, your gamer bro, enjoys long binges on the couch when he's not binge drinking like he's still in college. A connoisseur of tv and film, Grant hopes his articles will make you laugh, cry, and appreciate the little things in life.

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